During my seminars and trainings, I often ask people the question: “Who here talks to themselves?” As you might expect, many hands go up immediately.
And then there’s always a few people who go inside to ask themselves:
Do I talk to myself?
What should I say?
Should I put my hand up?
;o)
Self-talk can be good
We all talk to ourselves. For the most part it’s a good thing. It’s one of the ways in which we represent our perception of ‘reality’. We’re often just checking against our values if something is ok.
When we say nice things to ourselves it helps make us feel good, stand tall and is highly motivational. Sports people and performers of all sorts know the value of positive self-talk just before they run a race, play a football game or go out on stage!
However, when we decide to give ourselves a hard time inside it is not good for us. What we say to ourselves affects how we feel, even how we sit or stand and will often lead to us performing below our true abilities.
A good question to ask yourself is: “Would I say some of the things I say to myself out loud to a complete stranger or even a friend?” If your honest answer is “no” then stop saying these things!
Let them go
So, we all say horrible things to ourselves. The trick is to allow those thoughts to pass by quickly. Acknowledge them and then let them go. You should become selective about which of your inner voices you listen to. I much prefer the sound of my supportive, encouraging voice and try hard to spend more time listening to that.
Do this…
So, for the next week do this exercise when you catch yourself saying horrible things about yourself or someone else:
Acknowledge the thought, change the sound of the voice to that of Donald Duck, speed it up and listen to it disappear into the distance like at the end of a Looney Tunes cartoon. Repeat and this time imagine playing the voice backwards…!
Oh, and make sure you have fun in the process!
I hear in my mind all of these voices
I think Regina Spektor captures it quite well in her song ‘Fidelity’. I like this live version because it really shows you how talented this young woman is:
I couldn’t resist publishing this blooper from a local Irish newspaper, especially as I spent two recent blog posts advising on how to improve your writing. So, apologies in advance – no offense is intended as it’s all in your mind anyway!
Sent to me by my fellow Shantalla band member, Kieran Fahy, and from a reliable local source.
I think there’s a preposition missing in the headline. What do you think? Amazing how it got past the editor and through the proof reading. Or, are their unconscious minds trying to tell the reader something…?
Some of you may be thinking: “Only in Ireland…!”
Well, I suppose it’s one way of thinking differently…
My good friend and IABC colleague, Hugh Barton-Smith, suggested that I use my knowledge of NLP to comment on Social Media. So, from time to time, I shall share my thoughts.
At our Web2EU think tank event last Thursday evening in Brussels one participant suggested that people were not necessarily themselves when using tools such as Twitter. This is an interesting point. My view is that before you write it you have to think it and then you must ask yourself ‘Who owns or controls your thoughts?’.
In the same vein, I’m firmly convinced that Twitter enables many people to externalize their internal dialogue. Instead of keeping it inside, we can now just let it out!
Of course, that is by definition, Thinking Differently!
There are several new blog posts growing in my mind. So, I decided to put all the remaining tips in this blog post.
Tip 4 – Use nouns and verbs in preference to adjectives and adverbs
Nouns and verbs are nearly always stronger than adjectives and adverbs.
Tip 5 – Use sensory-specific words when possible
For texts to live you need to breath life into them. You do this by using sensory-specific words. Metaphors are overflowing with sensory language. They paint pictures and explain complex, abstract information in a more concrete way. However, they are like seasoning on food and should be used sparingly. Sensory-specific language engages your readers because it allows them to create pictures, sounds and feelings. It evokes a response.
Tip 6 – Avoid digital language
Avoid digital language – language with few or no sensory words – as it generates text that is hard to read, sounds impressive and more meaningful than it is, sends you into a trance and is very easy to construct using nominalizations.
Tip 7 - Be careful with Nominalizations
These are verbs suspended in time: the process has been taken out of them. They lack sensory-specific information and are therefore weak. Using many nominalizations in a text puts the reader into a trance. So, only use them if this is your intention.
Tip 8 – Match your nouns and verbs
This will help you avoid ambiguities. If you’re not sure about the potential meaning of your text, read it aloud to someone. If you’re still not sure – change it!
Tip 9 – Monitor your verbs
Some verbs are stronger than others. Here is a ranking in terms of strength:
Verbs that involve doing something are the strongest
Verbs involving dialogue – saying, speaking
Verbs that involve thinking or feeling
Passive forms are very weak
The verb ‘to be’ (see Tip 3)
Bonus Tip 10 – Avoid jargon
Jargon is useful when a group of people who share similar knowledge want to communicate concepts quickly to each other. However, it can also exclude outsiders and alienate people. Jargon creates confusion for most people.
Bonus Tip 11 – Lay out your texts clearly
Use simple words. Write short sentences. Avoid inserting lots of clauses in your sentences. Keep your paragraphs short with one central idea per paragraph.
Write inductively: present the main idea first and then support it with additional points, as necessary.
Use clear headings and sub-headings. A reader should be able to get the gist of your text by reading your headings and sub-headings in isolation. So, use them to ensure that there is a logical flow to your texts.
I’ve spent most of last week and will continue to spend this week training people in the EU Institutions on how to improve their writing skills in preparation for an important written exam in October. Of course, clarity in writing follows clarity of thought and many of these candidates find the thinking part quite a challenge. The old adage garbage in, garbage out applies equally to thinking and writing. So, I became curious about how NLP can help…
In NLP we pay great attention to face-to-face communication and many of the same principles can be applied to the written word. For example, being precise, being artfully vague or simply using analogies or metaphors are also characteristics of how we write.
Real time nuances
Unlike face to face communication writing does not have the additional nuances of body language and voice tonality to convey your meaning – all you have is the words. Also, face-to-face communication takes place in real time. So, if you phrase something in a way that does not convey your message or you perceive that your message is being misunderstood you can adapt what you say and how you say it.
A waste of money
This is not the case for written communication which can affect thousands of people through articles and books. Large sums of money are wasted each year in organizations because written communications are unnecessarily vague, ambiguous or just difficult to read.
Clear writing is easy and you do not need years of tuition to achieve it. Over the next few blog posts I’m going to share with you nine tips on how to improve your written communication. Here are the first three:
Tip 1 – Know your outcome
What do you want to achieve with your writing? What do you want the reader to get out of it? The NLP Presupposition ‘The meaning of the communication is the response it gets’ comes to mind. So, 2nd position the reader and read what you’ve written to see if the message you want to convey comes across clearly.
Tip 2 – Pay attention to the basics
Check your spelling, grammar and punctuation because mistakes can damage your credibility with the reader. Even if you use the spell checker, check it yourself before you publish it.
Tip 3 – Eliminate the verb ‘to be’ where possible
Although the most widely used verb in the English language the verb ‘to be’ tends to produce a lot of imprecise, ambiguous language. It often creates wide-sweeping generalizations which affect people at the level of their perceived identity. For example: “Mary is stupid” categorizes Mary as stupid. By replacing the verb ‘to be’ with an action verb we get a more precise meaning: “Mary acted in a stupid way”. Eliminating the verb ‘to be’ impacts how you think and forces you to rethink precisely what you mean.
Watching my 14-month old daughter Neala this past week in her quest to learn new things I began to wonder what we (adults) can learn from young children. In the past few days, I’ve seen her perfect how to go up and down 2 steps, how to open and close a lid and put something inside a container, how to say ‘hello’ and how to nod her head to say ‘yes’. Pretty impressive list of achievements in the space of a few days and she isn’t walking yet!
What also occurred to me is that if she adopted the attitude and approach of many adults to learning new things then she would learn nothing. There would be no change.
Here’s how she learns new things:
She has a clear outcome
She takes action and repeats, repeats, repeats…
She processes the feedback from what she does through her five senses (seeing, listening, touching, smelling and tasting)
She adapts what she does depending on the feedback she is getting
She operates from a physiology and psychology of excellence
Her attitude is based on the following:
Extreme curiosity
Wanton experimentation
Acting ‘As If’
Now, the interesting thing is that these have been modeled out many times as the characteristics of genius and highly successful people.
So, we are all born as a genius and are very successful in the first years of our lives. I wonder what happens next…?
I discovered on Monday that in my absence they’d dug up an important intersection in the center of Brussels. It’s literally about 500m from my office and was causing quite some congestion on both Monday and Tuesday.
A new perspective…
Today, I tried a different route and got here in about the same time as normal and avoided the congestion. Of course, it had its own quirkiness such as more roundabouts, more streets, more traffic lights… and it also had a different bunch of people to observe – I normally go through the European quarter and today took me through the university quarter. So, I got a different perspective to add to a more pleasant journey and I think I may explore another route on Monday.
If it ain’t working…
Now, I’m wondering just how many people will continue to drive the same way to work, knowing about the roadworks, and get themselves into a right state into the bargain. “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.” This is okay when you get the results you want because human beings are essentially creatures of habit. And, for some people it’s also ok because they get to blame someone and have plenty of excuses and reasons for why they can’t do something…!
…Stop doing it
When something isn’t working, stop doing it and do something else. Anything is better. You can apply this to all aspects of your life!
Three guiding principles:
Be curious
Experiment (wantonly)
Act “As If” you are able to do the new thing
Now, experience the results you are getting…
Do something else and you’ll also be Thinking Differently!
I got married on 2nd May and then left on Honeymoon in the north of Italy. I decided to devote my full attention to my beautiful wife, Nadja, and switched off all mobile data services (email, facebook, twitter, etc…). No TV either. I checked my phone for messages once every evening.
Did I miss much? I don’t know and I don’t really care. Despite being in one of Europe’s worst performing economies somehow economic crises, swine flu, wars, etc… didn’t seem to matter. When I finally switched on the TV last night the media had changed its tune: 9 consecutive weeks of positive activity on Wall Street, better than expected results from major companies, signs of recovery, etc…
I began to think that I should go away more often!
What I was reminded of though is that when we focus on the people we love and things or places that interest us we feel happier and this affects how we behave and the results we get.
Treat yourself
So, I’m advocating that you should treat yourself to at least one media-free day per week and notice the difference it makes to your relationships, your life and the lives of others around you. And you may even feel happier, do great things and achieve everything you are aiming for.
Think for yourself and you’ll already be thinking differently!
I couldn’t resist publishing this blooper from a local Irish newspaper, especially as I spent two recent blog posts advising on how to improve your writing. So, apologies in advance – no offense is intended as it’s all in your mind anyway!
My good friend and IABC colleague, 
I discovered on Monday that in my absence they’d dug up an important intersection in the center of Brussels. It’s literally about 500m from my office and was causing quite some congestion on both Monday and Tuesday.
